nada

No job news yet.  It's been almost three months since Camilo was laid-off.  We had a semi-serious conversation tonight about whether he should seriously consider applying to Ph.D. programs.  He sounds kind of interested, actually.  We'll see.  Applications aren't due until December to most programs, so he's got some time to figure that out. 

I'm done with the school year and am already preparing for work to start up again in August.  This morning my co-workers and I met to discuss a workshop we're giving when school starts again.  It's okay, though.  I like work.

So I'm trying to think of some summer goals for this summer.  Last summer they were all dissertation focused.  I'm almost at a loss now with what to do.

I'd like to:

1. Lose the rest of this baby weight (15 lbs)

2. Finally finish my wedding photo album/scrapbook (almost 5 years late)

3. Think through what article(s) to publish based on my dissertation and look into how to do that.  I've never written a real article before, so I have a lot to learn.

4.  Have a lot of fun with Lucia.  Be purposeful in the time we spend together.  Pray with her.  Go to the library and read lots of books. 

I think that's it.  Sounds way better than last summer!

Gah.  So in the last two months I've defended my dissertation (I passed!), submitted my resignation for the upcoming school year, and then had that resignation withdrawn because Camilo lost his job.  (a lot of people got laid-off last month from his company).

I'm SO bummed about the job loss tonight.  I hate it.  I know that something good that will come of this and that Camilo will find another job sometime.  But I don't want to work next year.  I want to stay home and play with my baby.  I'm thankful, though, that I have a job that I like and I can contribute a little to our finances now that it's more crucial than ever. 

I guess we don't always get to do what we want to do, 'huh?  But I've been planning on being a stay at home mom my entire life.  I'm only working this year because I thought I'd see what half-time was like, but I knew I'd quit after the year was over.  My main motivation for going through grad school and getting these degrees was so I could have more flexibility to work the kind of job that I want to work and that fits with being a mom AFTER I was done being a stay at home mom.  Like, years from now, ideally.  I just hope Camilo can find work soon that will allow me to stay home.  If you're the praying type, we'd appreciate your prayers.  And I need to learn how to be a supportive and encouraging wife right now.

pumpy pump

So I'm breastfeeding the baby.  I am so thankful that I'm able to feed her mommy milk exclusively.  It's a blessing.

Unfortunately, because I'm working, I have to pump so she has milk to eat while I'm away.  Pumping itself isn't that bad.  It's kind of boring.  But I'm glad that electric pumps are around and somewhat affordable nowadays.  I just learned that prior to the early 1990's, all women had access to at home were manual pumps which usually don't work well or very quickly.  Electric pumps are the modern mother's accessory.

So why don't I feel so modern most of the time?  I feel almost ridiculous sometimes hooked up to that thing pumping away, in anticipation of leaving my sweet baby girl with a relative stranger for hours.  I'd rather have my little buddy with me all the time - she's a way better accessory than a Lansinoh Double Electric. 

I've realized that my fancy-pump ownership is what actually even gave me the option to consider working after a baby.  I don't need to work; we are fine on just Camilo's salary.  And as long as I can feed her my milk, there is no way I would give her formula just so I could work.  So if I didn't have access to a pump, my decision to quit would have been much more straightforward.  I hate decisions.  Stupid pump!  :(

(and my apologies to any men reading this blog still!  gwang?  sorry!  you like girl talk, right?)

Currently Love Over Scotland (44 Scotland Street) By Alexander Mccall Smith see related

i'm a mommy!!

it's been a while since i've written, but ms. laura matzen requested an updated blog entry.  i don't even know if anyone reads my blog anymore, but here goes!  (i partially blame facebook for the lack of blogging.  darn facebook).

i LOVE being a mom.  i did not love it for the first two months of my daughter's life, but i'm really enjoying it now.  thankfully - it would stink to not like it still.  i think i'm just a wuss, but newborns kick my butt.  completely natural childbirth - no problem.  tiny, cute little babies - yikes.

what else?  i'm still working on the dissertation, but am much farther along than last time i wrote.  i'm writing up my findings and drawing conclusions and such fun stuff.  i really have to push myself for the next month or two if i want to graduate in may.  we'll see - it's a good possibility at this point.  :)  as i write, i keep questioning whether anything i'm saying is remotely interesting/useful.  i'm still interested in it, but i have a hard time believing anyone else, including my committee, will be.  i just have to keep pushing doubts out of my mind and continue to write.  i also fear that i'm sharing too much and will have to cut a lot out of my discussion chapters.  but i guess that's better than having to add stuff.

i'm amazed at how great of a husband/father camilo is.  he's so good with lucia, he hangs out with her a lot so i can get work done, he doesn't complain about her waking us up at night (i guess i stereotypically expected him to be upset by this), and he's having fun with her.  he continues to be really supportive of me working part time, even though we don't need the money and it complicates his life. 

okay, i should get back to the dissertation, but i think i will write here a bit more and hopefully get some comments from time to time!  i definitely need to think through whether i want to work next year or not, so this might help me.

news

so i guess it's time to post this, for those of you who haven't found out yet...

we've got a baby on the way!!  i'm due in early september and am finally over the awful morning sickness (all day long sickness).  very exciting!

in other news, i've decided to work part-time next year and see how that goes.  and i still love my current job. 

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